In 2008/2009 I was trying for my second baby (my first born was 15 months) after a few months of trying I fell pregnant. We were so happy, we rang our parents to tell them and a few weeks later we travelled up north to tell the rest of the family and my close friends. I was only 9 weeks but i’v never been good at keeping things to myself and I wanted to share my good news. Everyone was happy for us, probably abit shocked that I was only 21 and pregnant with my second child but it’s what I’d always wanted to be a young mum.
We went back home a few days later and after having sex I bled. I didn’t think much of it but spoke to my mum who said maybe I should phone the midwife. My friend came round for a play with her little boy and the midwife said I should go in for an internal scan just to check. My friend drove me and we took my daughter with us.
I rang Darren but told him to stay at work as I wasn’t worried (why would I be, I’d never really heard of miscarriage before and being young I didn’t think it would happen to me).
I went in to the scan on my own and my friend looked after my daughter outside the room. The nurse doing the scan wasn’t very friendly but I wasn’t fazed as I was excited to see my baby on the screen.
Then the words ‘I’m sorry but your baby has no heartbeat’. I went into shock at this point. ‘What do you mean ?’ She said coldly, that although I should have been 10 weeks pregnant that my baby was only the size of a 7 week old embryo with no heartbeat. I asked what she meant and she said my baby had died 3 weeks earlier but my body hadn’t rejected it. She said I would have to have a D and C. I walked out the room a 21 year old who had never really experienced loss before and had never heard of anyone who had miscarried before and I broke down in my friends arms. She rang my husband as I couldn’t talk and he was as shocked as me. I sat in a room on my own and rang my dad crying. He didn’t really know what to say and just wanted to give me a hug but he was 250 miles away.
My husband arrived and we just hugged in tears for a while. They explained I would have to come back 3 days later for my D and C. The next 3 days I didn’t leave my bed, I was numb with shock. My husband had to take time off work to look after me and our daughter. On the Saturday he took me in for my D and C. I was still numb, his parents and brother had come down south to look after our daughter. I was on a ward with people who didn’t want their babies and I so desperately wanted mine. I honestly thought I was the only person to ever go through a miscarriage.
My husband ended up off work for 4 weeks as I was incapable of looking after our daughter as I was too upset. I then started trying to convince him to start trying for another baby. I knew the only way to get over the loss was to have another baby. He didn’t feel the same, he thought there must have been something wrong and that we needed to get ourselves extra healthy before we tried again. My despair won and we tried for another baby. Falling pregnant within a few months.I was worried the whole way through that something would happen again (my first pregnancy I had had no worries as I was oblivious of the things that could go wrong).
In March 2010 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
I have always been quite open about my miscarriage and through talking to others I found that most people I spoke too had suffered at least one miscarriage.
But no one talks about it and actually it’s quite a common occurance.
My views now are that I was very lucky that I miscarried so early as others go through much worse and so many people cannot concieve at all, or have many miscarriages.
Everyone should be more open to discussing what has happened to them as it helps others not feel alone and don’t feel like you can’t share your pregnancy news early as actually if something was to happen the more people you have to talk too and the more support you have the better. Don’t be alone!