R and R

A few weeks later my husband was returning from Afghan for R and R. He would arrive at Brize Norton early in the morning and so I had to set off in the middle of the night to drive down to pick him up. During the journey (I was following a Satnav as I did not know the way) my stomach flipped (IBS again) and I needed to find a toilet quickly. The Satnav had taken me off the motorway and I was on A roads so I went off track to try to find a toilet. With it being 5am ish I knew there would be no pubs open, eventually I found a service station – finally a toilet. But the toilet was out of order. The panic set in. I started shaking and getting a hot sweat. I tried to calm myself and tried to find another toilet. I did find one in the end and I took Imodium again.

You might be thinking how has this got anything to do with anxiety but this is how it all started. This was now two events where I had needed the toilet deperately and could not find a toilet.

My husband had planned surprises for me and the girls while he was back for his R and R, which was about 10 days. One night he had told me to get dressed up and he had a surprise for me. I felt nervous not knowing where I was going and whether there was a toilet there. I kept going to the toilet at his mums house while I waited. (This time it was my nerves making me need the toilet, not the IBS).
A limo turned up to pick us up. I wanted to feel happy and excited but instead all I felt was anxiety and dread. But I knew my husband had planned this for ages and he said we were picking a few friends up and my sister and her boyfriend. Every pick up we did I would use the toilet, i started shaking and having hot sweats. The others were trying to enjoy themselves but I could tell they were worried about me. I had the window open and I was drinking water to try to calm me down. But the anxiety was rising, I had to ask the limo driver to stop at Mcdonalds toilet, my husband went and bought me some Imodium, i made them stop at Sainsburys. I did not enjoy it one bit and I ruined it for the others. But at that point all I could think of was my own anxiety and not everyone elses feelings. We eventually arrived at an Indian Restaurant for our meal, but I could not eat anything but atleast I knew there was a toilet to use all the time.
Before the meal we had a photo infront of the limo, that photo shows me looking happy (not how i was feeling at all) this is why we should not take smiles at face value.


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