After a few days of waiting (the hospital nearby couldn’t do an internal scan) I was convinced I had miscarried. I was mentally preparing myself for another d+c. At my internal scan I just closed my eyes and waited for the words “I’m sorry” but they never came. Instead the words “a strong heartbeat”. Your probably all thinking oh wow she must have been so happy.
But that’s not what happened. I felt low, sad. My husband was ecstatic.
I don’t know what had happened but it was like I had accepted the miscarriage and could not deal with the news that actually my baby was ok.
This feeling continued , I didnt go to work. I could not motivate myself to do anything. I spoke to my husband and said I need to have an abortion.
He tried to tell me it was all going to be OK and remind me how against abortions I am but I didn’t want to listen. He decided to get my sister to come and talk to me. She couldn’t understand how I was saying these things when all I had ever wanted was children, i’v never cared about a career just my children.
She said maybe I needed to go back to the doctor’s and see if my sertraline needed increasing (I had been on 50mg sertraline for 2 years due to anxiety).
My husband took me to the doctor the next day and the doctor said straight away that my pregnancy hormones were taking over the sertraline and it was although I wasn’t taking it at all. So she doubled it to 100mg. Within 2 days I was already feeling so much better. And I started looking forward to my baby.
My husband, children and family had been brilliant during my emotional difficulties but it’s not until months /years later that you can even look back on a situation and see how brilliant they had been.